The Lazy Man’s Guide to Budgeting
Sticking to a budget is just not the lazy slob’s cup of tea, simply because he thinks it’s too much work to try to stretch a dollar by saving a penny here and pinching one there. If you thought living within your means was hard, think again. It’s as easy and effective as the Lord’s Prayer?
Our father on earth:
1. Live as long as you can with your parents. It costs a lot more to get your own place, not to mention the upkeep and maintenance. Mum cooks and cleans for you, what else do you need?
Holy be thy name:
2. Don’t lose your temper, swear or get into ugly fights. It’s easier to turn the other cheek (or just walk away). You won’t have the police butting in or visits to the doctor to get your mug stitched up.
3. The only thing holy about brand names is the cost associated with the products they adorn. Stick to generic stuff when you buy cosmetics, toiletries and clothes. The brand label alone is not worth the extra cost.
Thy kingdom come:
4. Make your life on earth equal to paradise. Avoid fights with your spouse. Fights cause you to spend more energy than you’d care to, and yeah, you’ll save a bunch on alimony.
5. Make the air you breathe as fresh as it is in heaven — take your car out only when necessary. Why bother to make those frequent trips when you can combine all your errands into one big tour around town.
Thy will be done:
6. Don’t procrastinate. It’s easier to pay your bills on time than save them all for a rainy day. The latter choice will leave you with no nest egg when said rainy day does come around.
7. Get some one else to do the dirty work for you. Make your bank transfer a percentage of your salary into a savings account.
8. And if you use credit cards, arrange an automatic payment from your account towards the monthly bills and avoid those late penalties.
On earth as it is in heaven:
9. Seen any of those fantasy pictures of heaven? Seen any cars in those scenarios? So now you know that heaven has no cars. You have to walk everywhere. Forget your car, save on your gas bill and use your god-given two strong legs to get you to destinations within a few blocks. Besides, you don’t have to look for parking space.
10. Paradise is definitely free of pollution from plastic, so the best thing you can do to contribute your bit is to cut up your credit cards. It beats having to remember all those pesky payment details and dates.
11. No one’s in a hurry to get anywhere in paradise. So stop those herky-jerky driving moves and make slow and steady your motto. Isn’t it easier to drive sedately than accelerating and braking in fits and starts? And yeah, you save at least 30 percent on your fuel bill too.
Give us this day our daily bread:
12. It’s too much of a hassle to get dressed and go out. Stay in and eat home-cooked meals. Cooking just once a week expends less energy than going out for each meal.
13. Don’t feel like cooking? Eat healthy vegetables and fruits instead of spending your money on expensive and fattening snacks.
14. Buy groceries in bulk. You save some money and repeated trips to the store.
15. Don’t buy stuff just because it’s on sale. Buy only what you need. You’re definitely not going to get through all those cans of soup you bought just because the offer was too good to resist. Besides, the more groceries you buy, the more you have to put away when you get home.
16. Leftovers mean you get to have another meal without taking the trouble to cook one. Just pop those remnants into the fridge when you’re pulling out a chilled drink.
And forgive us our trespasses:
17. Trespass on your neighbors’/friends’ generosity. Hitch rides with them instead of taking your own car. Eat at their expense when you go out. And stay on as their guest ’till they literally throw you out!
18. Trespass on your neighbors’ property for your daily jog if the park is too far away. It beats sweating it out in fancy gymnasiums that charge an arm and a leg so you can get a toe in their doors.
19. Sloth is a sin, but it works out well for you when you’re too lazy to buy clothes according to the current season. By the time you get around to doing your winter shopping, summer has rolled around and, lo and behold, you get a handsome discount on all your garments.
20. Laziness pays when it comes to doing your laundry only once a week. You get to save on your water and power bills.
As we forgive (and forget) those who trespass against us:
21. Heard of selective amnesia? Well, bring on the technique when friends and relatives seem intent on gate-crashing your party. It’s hard enough for you to take care of yourself, let alone people who want to mooch off you and your limited income.
22. Throw parties, but get those guests to bring their own food and drinks (in the guise of a pot luck dinner of course).
And lead us not into temptation:
23. Don’t be too curious about what’s going on on the other side of the fence. The grass may be greener there but you’re better off lazing on your lounger rather than trying to keep up with the Joneses. Don’t tax either yourself or your bank balance.
24. Turn off the TV. Being a couch potato is alright, but you have to watch out for those commercials. Don’t watch them and pull out your credit card to make those unnecessary purchases. Snooze instead, and you also save on your power bill. Two birds with one stone!
25. Buy only what you need. Forget those fancy gadgets that keep hitting the market with alarming regularity, forget those appliances that have more features than you’ll ever use in a lifetime — it’s just too much of bother to learn to use them and then take care of them, just because you paid a fortune for them. Isn’t it easier to just do without them?
26. Does that dress look delectable in the window? Well, good for your purse that you’re too lazy to go in and try it on. Just head on home and crash on your couch.
27. Too many phones around the house? Too lazy to get up and find the one that’s ringing? Cancel all your plans except the cheapest and simplest. Call waiting implies you have to return peoples’ calls, which means spending your money and time. And why pay extra for the privilege. Let them get the busy signal and call later. You also don’t need to forward your calls. Isn’t it a pain to have to check some other number or a voice mailbox when you have trouble dealing with the phone alone?
Deliver us from evil:
28. Say no to cigarettes/alcohol/drugs. They’re the devil in disguise, they drain your resources and come with a host of health complications. It takes too much energy to huff and puff your way through life, or deal with the cases that are filed against you for drunken driving or possession of illegal substances.
April 18th, 2007 at 9:42 am
Very nice entry. I hope I can be as creative as you. More power.
April 24th, 2007 at 10:17 am
This is brilliant.
April 25th, 2007 at 4:37 am
And lead us not into temptation
Reminds me of us looking for a washer recently. We were set on buying used with a very small budget. Then we started looking at new ones, and soon were talking about a $600 washer! Luckily we came to our senses before digging into the savings!
Good tips!
April 26th, 2007 at 3:42 am
Here’s an oldie but goodie….Make long distance phone calls to relatives when you know they are at work. When they call you back, they pay the long distance charge, not you!